Written By Galen White
The marquis is aglow with multicolored lights, heralding the opening of the long awaited and soon to be immensely successful premier movie. People of all ages and classes are standing along the boulevard, hoping to catch a glimpse of the starring actor when he arrives
Suddenly, the headlights of an automobile appear down the street and the excitement increases to a fever pitch. The low murmur of chit-chat escalates into the roar of an expectant crowd. A long, sleek, black limousine, glistening, with the reflected lights of the marquis, pulls to the curb and slows to a stop. The chauffeur steps out, dons his cap, and walks around to the rear door. Expectations grow as he grasps the door handle and eases the door open. The screams and shouts of the fans have increased in volume until deafening.
Slowly, a black alligator skin boot appears on the sidewalk. A hand is extended, waving to the crowd as brilliant beams of light reflect from the diamond ring it bears. Ladies are beginning to swoon and men’s mouths fall open as they realize they are so close to their favorite celebrity.
Who can it be? Is it Elvis, returned from a fictitious death? Is it John Wayne? Rudolph Valentino? No! It is one who casts a shadow much greater than any one of past entertainers. It’s yours truly!
Yes, sir, I step into the limelight, waving at the adoring fans. As I make way toward the theater doors, my alligator boot clad toe catches on the red carpet and I fall flat on my face! Lookin’ like a hog rootin’ for somethin’ to eat, ol’ Galen is embarrassed beyond belief! And it’s about time that I wake up from the dream.
Now, you’d be lyin’ if you denied ever dreamin’ of bein’ a famous individual. It don’t make no matter whether you were dreamin’ of bein’ a rod singer, an actor or actress, a sports superstar, or a politician……, okay, forget that last one. The point is everyone has, at some time or another, wondered what it would be like to be a celebrity.
It just so happens that I have often wondered what It would be like to be a successful film director. After all and with the kind of movies that have been released over the last ten to twenty years, there ain’t been many directors that should be considered successful..
Well, I been doin’ some thinkin’, and I believe I could do a better job of directin’ and producin’ a movie as most of the other turkeys. In fact, I’ve even got an idea of the plot as well as a cast of characters.
Now, the plot is about Hollywood doctors and their nurses, only this film is one you ain’t got to watch by your lonesome. And, I already have the names of the cast. Just take a look:
Al K. Seltzer, a famous German gastroenterologist.
Al K. Hall, founder of Al K. Hall Anonymous.
Al K. Rubb, famous masseuse.
Penny Cillin, famous cook and bread baker.
Pepito Bismol, well known Spanish gastroenterologist.
May Lox, sister-in-law of Pepito
Ty Lee Not, Vietnamese neurologist.
X Lacks, Chinese proctologist.
Dee P. Heet, ex-line-backer for the Green Bay Packers.
Mike A. Tin, famous sneaker manufacturer.
Myo Flex, ex-trainer of Green Bay Packers.
Ben Gray, ex-tight end for the San Francisco 49’ers.
Dr. Shoals, famous podiatrist.
Dr. Tichenor, famous in biological warfare.
Bennie Drill, retired marine sergeant.
Jerry Tall, NBA superstar
Cotton Swabb, brother of famous investment counselor, Charles.
Q Tipp, first cousin of Cotton Swabb.
Roe B. Tussin, retired vocal Therapist.
Tussie Nex, famous singer.
Ny Quil, well known Tibetan sleep therapist.
Cory Seeden, ex-Miss California, 1975
Cory Extall, ex-Mr. Universe and body builder.
N. Sulin, starred in Star Trek series.
Coe Dean, ex-hippie of the Sixties.
M. Prin, retired DEA official.
Sudie Fed, returned to acting after being off with sinus congestion.
Herb A. Side, famous outdoorsman.
Sugar Pill, sweetest lady you’ll ever meet.
Theme song and musical score by the band Aide, choreography by Poison Ivy, and advertising by Ad Vil.
With the above cast, how can I fail?
Galen White has written articles for several papers in North Louisiana and is now retired.