Heaviest Element Known To Science

Written By Galen White

If you are like me, you’ve learned that, quite often, you have to laugh just to keep from cryin’! Just take a look around and think for a moment. It’s been cold enough the last few days that the expense of heatin’ your home is gonna skyrocket. It’s also gonna make the price of oranges and other fruits so expensive only the chimps over at Chimp Haven will get to eat fruit, and that’s ’cause somebody else is buyin’ it for ’em.

If you’ve done any flyin’…., by airplane, that is…, then you know how flusteratin’ airports are. Gasoline prices are on the rise and so is the insurance on your country Cadillac. Don’t take long thinkin’ ’bout all these things ’til you wanna sit down and bawl like a baby!

And if you add government into the mix above, it’ll sho’ ’nuff make you wanna take a real long walk on an extremely short pier…., if you get my drift!

Well, maybe the followin’ will bring a smile to your mug. It’s another email by big brother forwarded to me, and I have to admit, I sure wish I was the one who came up with it. I’m not sure there is anyone who knows the real author, but whoever he or she is, deserves one of them “No Bell” awards for their effort.

Now, you really ain’t gotta be a rocket surgeon or brain scientist to “read between the lines”…., after all, I understand what it’s all about. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science: symbol Gv Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium had no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impeded every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time for each reorganization causes more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has as many peons but twice as many morons.

 

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Galen WhiteGalen White has written articles for several papers in North Louisiana and is now retired.

 

 

 

 

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