Written by Galen White

There’s been a heap ‘o talk over the last several years about global warmin’, and quite honestly, I’ve never put much belief into it. I guess I’ve always figured it was nothin’ more’n cyclic events. You know how it is, every several years or so it seems one season is wetter, drier, colder, or hotter’n another. However, when I’m sizzlin’ like a pork chop in a fryin’ pan, I do question if there ain’t somethin’ to it after all.

Even with the hundred degree temps today, I still don’t buy into the global warmin’ bit just yet. With that bein’ said, though, there is somethin’ that causes me to take a more serious look at the possibility.

To see my point, you gotta be willin’ to take a trip back through history with me. Also, you have to use your imagination to visualize what I’m gonna try to explain.

Okay, to begin with, let’s go back to the 1920’s and 30’s. Now I know some of you are already claimin’ you ain’t old enough to remember things back then. Neither am I, regardless of how ancient I look. Here’s where you gotta use your imagination.

Now, close your eyes and concentrate on……, well, maybe you’d better read a little further on first. Then you can close your eyes, turn on your imagination, and try to visualize a pair of ladies’ undies.

Wait a second! Don’t get all bent outta shape ’cause I ain’t bein’ a dirty ol’ man, but you gotta visualize this to understand my point. You see, a pair of ladies undies back in the 20’s and 30’s were knee length or longer, high waisted, and,  I believe may have been called bloomers.

Now, let’s move up to the 50’s and 60’s. Ladies undies then had been reduced to having no legs but were still high waisted. Okay, come on now! Quit your snickerin’ and hoorawin’! You think this is easy? I’m beginnin’ to have a whole new understandin’ of what my old high school teachers went through with me as I try to get ya’ll to pay attention and be serious about this stuff.

If you’ve settled down, let’s take a look at female undies of the 70’s and 80’s. As you can imagine, or in a lot of cases, you well remember they were small. I’m no professor of lingerie, but I believe they are called bikini undies. These undies had higher cut leg openings and much lower waist heights.

We’ve now come to modern day undies, which as you may know, consists of only about eight to ten inches of a single shoe string, attached to a piece of cloth no larger than a postage stamp. This is, I believe, called a “thong”.

Now, only a few short years ago and bein’ an ol’ country boy, a thong to me was a strip of leather used as a seat for a rock projectile in my sling shot. Ain’t it amazin’ how definitions have changed today.

While I do have a certain appreciation for today’s thong when displayed on the right person at the right time and place, this piece of material is what prompted me to question why they named the store “Victoria’s Secret”. To me, if she is wearin’ a thong bathin’ suit, she ain’t got no secret!

Thongs are….., uh….., well.., thongs can be a…., er….. Is it gettin’ hotter in here? Ya’ll ‘scuse me a moment while I go get a drink of cold water.

Okay, I’m back. All of this sums up why there actually may be some truth to global warming simply ’cause women’s undies have shrunk in size tremendously. Of course and accordin’ to what I’ve seen in the department stores, so have men’s. In fact, some men wear thongs or the stores wouldn’t have them for sale.

Quite frankly, I just don’t see how men can wear somethin’ like a thong….., women either, for that matter. You see, I can’t stand to wear sandals ’cause of that piece that goes between the toes; it aggregates the dickens outta me. I can just imagine what that shoe string stretched between the Netherlands would do to someone.

Well, I guess the question of global warmin’ is still unanswered. Butt…, I mean, but if the shrinkin’ of undergarments is an indication, things may get reeeal interestin’ if there’s any truth whatsoever to global warmin’!

 

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Galen White has written articles for several papers in North Louisiana and is now retired.