I Ain’t That Old…Or Am I?

Written By Galen White

Okay, I admit receiving mail from the AARP wanting me to join but it AIN’T because I’m that old!! They’ve just gotten me mixed up with someone else.

On the other had, maybe I am THAT old; Lord knows I quite often feel it! Especially when I make an attempt to do something that I could do ten years ago with ease, and discover it is now impossible.

For example, I tried to replace my kitchen sink’s spray nozzle and discovered I cannot do anything laying on my back other than sheep. With that, I’m still good at.

I’ve gotten to where I can’t fiddle with tiny things, either. Threading a needle is almost impossible, and the other day I tried to put a small nut on a small bolt. I did it, but it seemed to me that it took a couple hours and several hundred tries.

Had I not know better, I would have sworn the nut was of different threads than the bolt. The nut came off that very bolt, so for two hours I argued with myself saying they were of different thread design.

Now, I know there are a few of you who prefer not to forward items that have made the rounds by e-mail. However, since I have a full time job other than for these foolish ramblings and since I enjoy a laugh as well as the next fellow, I’m taking the liberty to pass the following on to you.

Not only did I find it funny, whoever wrote it could have used yours truly as the pattern. I hope you enjoy it as much as I. It was titled: YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I’m the life of the party…., even if it lasts until 8 p.m. Most times, though, I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going, and awaken many hour before my body allows me to get up.

I’m very good at opening childproof caps…with a hammer.

I repeat things, and am very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over…

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying. The good thing about that is it aggravates the dickens outta someone who is fussing at you.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.

I repeat things over and over.

I’m so cared for – long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I’m not really grouchy, it’s just that I don’t like traffic, waiting crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, commercials, ABC, NBC, CBS, barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can’t seem to remember right now.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere – wherever that might be.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy…., and that’s just my left leg.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…….., uh…, like…..

I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

I repeat things, over and over.

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days, because I’ve noticed where they’ve let kids become policemen and firemen!

I’m wondering if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

I’m a walking storeroom of facts….., I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.

Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life! If I’m not, don’t tell me. My heart might not be able to handle knowing about it!


Galen White has written articles for several papers in North Louisiana and is now retired.


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