Farmerville Gazette, February 1, 1939
Written by Edna Liggin as Uncle Lige (Ma Substitoothin)

Oh, my goodness, but pa took thet bathe las’ week and fer varous reasons he ain’t able to writ this week. First, he went to bed sniffin; got up snortin’ and chokin; by dinner he had a temper and temperture; an’ by night he wuz dee-finitely “fluil”. Poor pa, he jus’ don’t feel good a ‘tall and blames me fer makin’ him bath too soon this y’ar.

He’s a-lyin’ in bed lookin so awfully peaked. I’m afreard this ain’t gonin’ to be sech good news as I ain’t brillunt like pa. I only got to the fifth grade while pa is edunankated clean up to the seventh.

Pa says to be shore and menshun that those two purty girls air a-visitin’ Mr. and Mrs. Frank Seibert again…. Miss Hazel Oakes of Leesville and Hazel McGee of Hico….Mrs. Brady Austin and children of Evergreen air aspendin’ two weeks in Marion wif Mr. and Mrs. Ben Hayes. My, what a purty quilt pattern in this here magazine and the design … “Ma,” pa says a-frettin, “tend to business.”

Whar wuz I? Oh, yes, Mr. and Mrs. Les Wynn store had the company Sunday. Thar wuz Mr. and Mrs. Buck Pilgreen of Farmerville, Mrs. Linda Russell, Mr. and Mrs. George Pilgreen, Mrs. Beulah Williamson and baby of Marion, Mr. and Mrs. Tobe Moore … I believe thet’s all … Lots of company up toward Shiloh … Mr. and Mrs. J. D. Reeves and son, and Merle Reeves of Monroe visited Mr. and Mrs. Jim Reeves. Mr. and Mrs. George Tabor of Monroe visited Mr. and Mrs. S. P. Tabor.

“Ma,” Pa is a-sayin’ weakly, “don’t forgit the club meetin at Evergreen.” “As if I would,” I snorted. “They met at Mrs. C. B. Allen’s. Miss Nelson wuz sick. Juanita Huffman, Pansy Reeves, and Mrs. Durward Ray were honored by a birthday shower, let’s see … “That’s all. You never know when to quit,” comes from the bed.

“Who’s writin’ this?” I asks.

I reads over whut I’ve written and it sounds nigh as agood as pa’s … I niver knowed I could a-write before Humph! Pa a-better shet up a bossin so. He ain’t the only one whut is literary in the family.

Misses Jewel Reeves and Maurine Allen from La. Tech were home … Mr. and Mrs. Delton Doss from Callinston visited Mr. and Mrs. Monroe Grafton Sunday. … Laura Lewis set some hens … Wal, whut’s wrong wif thet, Pa? “And Ma, ” Pa says like he’s tired, “someone broke in Union Gin Schoolhouse last week-end and eat a small amount of soup, but they don’t know who done it. So don’t be pointin’ yore finger at nobody!”

“Wal, of all the nerve!” I retorts, “As if I do thet and sech gossipy stuff!”

I know you do,” Pa manages a chucke, “and this week it’ll be gossonpy!”

I niver could do to suit Pa. He can write his ole piece!!! I won’t be bothered wif sech fiddlesticks! Accusin’ me of gossiping! Besides, I got other things to do!

“Whut?” I heard pa makin’ his usual request, “you want some mo chicken stew? Thet’s the sixth time since dinner!”

I hope you see’s Pa next week.

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